Recently, I was at a restaurant where the menu was mostly French. There was a dish I wanted to order (Oeufs en meurette), but I didn't know how to pronounce it so I had to do that thing where I said the familiar syllables super loud and the mystery syllables in basically a murmur (“I'll have the OOFS EN MeurphmeETTE”).

I had to do that twice so the waiter could hear it and it was utterly humiliating. This can't be the only time a dumb American has to do this song and dance, so I figured I'd compile a list of common fancy words and their proper pronunciations for my fellow idiots.

My hope is that you'll put this guide to good use when ordering in the future. If you don't, I'll knock the oui oui out of you.